Monday, August 12, 2013

Food Scamps

Jason's Facebook picture, before he lost the goatee and became a Bad Person, 2010.
It's not just T-Bone bucks and Cadillac mamas abusing your hard-earned tax dollars, sheeple. Fox News boldly went out investigating and found white people doing it too. In fact they only found white people doing it, or one white person to be exact, which suggests either that it wasn't that easy, or else John Roberts didn't feel comfortable leaving the beach.

Why bother getting a job when you can jam out, surf and enjoy sushi with your bros, thanks to government food stamps? [jump]
That was the attitude displayed by Jason Greenslate, a 29-year-old California surfer and musician, interviewed by Fox News‘ John Roberts during “The Great Food Stamp Binge,” Friday night special.
Though he’s trained as a recording engineer, Greenslate prefers to sing explicitly about what little desire he has to hold down a job and has “f**k no” guilt toward his taxpayer-funded lifestyle. Greenslate also lives rent-free, occupying the homes of family and friends while occasionally shacking up with girlfriends — a lifestyle that he said is “wonderful, man.”
Yes, we give him $200 a month, and he spends it all on lobster and sushi—that must add up to something like five meals a week, people!—and
SNAP enrollment has become easier over the years, with recipients like Greenslate only needing to provide a “birth certificate and Social Security card and fill out a form once a year,” according to Fox News. And the appeal of that “free food” and hassle-free enrollment has likely contributed to a record number of American households signing up.
Jason today, with new bud John Roberts.
What struck me as weird was how willing Jason was to talk about it, hanging out with John at the supermarket and all, as if he's proud of himself, or willing to call the SNAP fraud squad down on his case. Who on earth would want publicity like that?

Wait, I know who! A mediocre San Diego scrap-metal band (I just made that up, is it a thing?) calling itself Rattlife, with the lead cut on its new (and only) album entitled "No Job" ("I ain't got no motherfuckin job, I'd rather be broke and steal and rob"), advertising the Rattlife lifestyle as
addicted to or characterized by living wild, free and outside the norms of society; grossly immoral; degenerate; extravagant: a glamorously vicious life
Maybe such a group would have a lead guitarist who really walks on the wild side—Jason "The Dragon" Greenslate, a.k.a.
Freebasin Jason from San Diego. His name says it all. This rocker should probably slow down but instead he keeps it Ratttlife [with three T's!]. From High Speed chaises, to being kicked out of every bar, this Rattlfer is slowing down for no one. And his party isn't going to stop anytime soon.
Maybe such an ensemble would be delighted to let folks know about their oh-so-marginal-and-edgy existence, gnomesane? And sure enough, they were!
Fox National News caught a glimpse of guitarist Jason Greenslate and had to interview him and the band, which turned into a two day "Day in the Life" affair of surfing, biking, barbequeing, jamming... all round 'Rattlifing'. We had a blast and we're pretty sure they did too...
Because, you see, these boys aren't exactly wastrels. They had something to offer Fox, and Fox had something to offer them. And did John ever have a good time with Freebasin Jason! Sushi and lobster and maybe getting kicked out of a bar or two, and then a great opportunity to sneer on camera (I'm not suggesting they did any of that freebasin' together—my goodness, how would I know?). And they'll gladly sell you a T-shirt or baseball cap or sticker, soon as they get the checkout part of the website working. In fact, guys who would gladly rip off taxpayers every chance they get—we call 'em Entrepreneurs!
High Speed chaise? From Wikipedia.

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