Friday, October 11, 2013

Cheap shots and Mullah John

Shepherd Smith in the new Fox newsroom: "Roger, I shrunk the reporters!"
Not really into the Woods

The actor James Woods was outraged earlier this week at the treatment of demonstrators demanding a new immigration law including a path to legal citizenship when thousands of them converged on the National Mall on Tuesday, more than a hundred and fifty of them being arrested, including eight members of Congress—while only a week before a group of World War II veterans had almost been prevented from visiting their own memorial on the Mall, getting their permit after they had arrived, whereas the immigration demonstrators got their permit beforehand, even though the Mall is closed by the shutdown of the Federal government. The transparent injustice of it—the way the elderly veterans almost didn't get to go while the vicious alien hooligans almost didn't get arrested—prompted him to risk all by sending a bold Tweet:
His fans quickly responded: [jump]

What? What? I thought he retired around 1999. He couldn't have been criticizing Obama back then. Oh, wait:
TV movie, 2003.
TV series, 2006-08. Sebastian Stark: You know, all my life all I wanted to be was the best lawyer in the world. But when you lose that drive, that consuming ambition, you're done.
TV Series Ray Donovan, 2013
I suspect it's more like he doesn't want to work again.

When you've lost Wolf...'ve lost, um, something you might have trouble replacing. If you ever need it for something. Like... Well, for instance you could easily replace your electric cocktail mixer, if you have one, unless it was out of stock. I saw an electric cocktail shaker advertised in a magazine the other day and was really amazed, trying to imagine the life of someone for whom this is a worthwhile investment. "I used to come home exhausted from work and then I'd be nothing but shaking cocktails all night, man. This machine has literally saved my life." That's what it's like to imagine somebody who needs Wolf Blitzer for something. I mean, probably Mrs. Blitzer trusts him to sort out the recycle trash, but only because she doesn't believe it actually gets recycled.
Let the 6500 rpm motor blend over 100 daiquiris, margaritas, and more for all your adoring guests—and save your arm strength for all the high-fives you’ll receive.
Wolf Blitzer is like a discontinued model of electric cocktail shaker. You can never tell how sorry you would be to lose him, unless you do lose him and notice that he's missing, hardly a likely occurrence.

Howard's Paradox

In your traditional math, of course, it looks much more probable that one will wind up at zero and the other will not. But as Howie the Stoic has explained, in terms of the laws of bipartisan equivalence, a drop of 10 out of 38 percentage points for Republicans is equal to a drop of 3 out of 46 percentage points for Democrats; and thus, if with each step the Republicans advance about a quarter of the way toward their ultimate goal of absolute zero popularity, then the Democrats advance around a twentieth of the way to theirs, so that neither party actually gets there, but both of them do get awfully close. I think that's how it goes.
Image via Henry Mendell, California State U. at Los Angeles.
Things only Republicans know:
Here we all thought he'd been elected Speaker and it turns out he was baptized Speaker. Of course if he'd been named Mullah John Boehner, Obama wouldn't have had any reason to negotiate with him, because he'd have been a blues singer ("Blind Mullah John").

Believe it or not, Ari Fleischer is not the first person in history to imagine a Mullah John Boehner; that honor goes to the comic artist Steve Brodner, who had a vision of Speaker John in a holy warrior's beard and turban back in July 2011:
Makes you think, huh? We already know he hates us for our freedom...

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