Friday, October 4, 2013

Cheap shots and feuding cowgirls

Twerk not Twelfare. From
And below the fold, Cheney's women and much, much more!

Poor old retired Senator Simpson is inspired to the long-ass military metaphor by the subject of his hilarious problem with those awful Cheney girls:
First, this is not about Dick Cheney. Dick Cheney and I have known each other for over 45 years. He is a dear and loyal friend who I would protect and be loyal to the end of my days. I have proved that trait many a time for him, and he has done the same for me. We have campaigned for each other each and every time we ran – and neither of us ever lost an election! We have been in the trenches, we’ve been carpet bombed, shot at and missed, shot at and hit, abused, trampled, been both victims and victorious, and I would lay my life down for him. So indeed, it is not about Dick. It is about Lynne and Liz Cheney.
Just like to say Simpson did his army service as 2nd lieutenant right out of college in 1954, just in time to miss the Korean War. A 1991 People Magazine story reported the future hero didn't show his heroism at the outset; having management responsibilities made him a nervous wreck:
Simpson joined the Army and was promptly sidelined because of stress. "They made me assistant adjutant of a regiment, and I didn't even know what I was doing—I was absolutely filled with anxiety," he says. With his blood pressure sky-high and his doctor concerned about the risk of ulcers, he ended up in the hospital for a month. "He went through, you know, mild depression," says Ann, "but he didn't get counseling, he just finally figured it out." Simpson was transferred to the infantry and recovered his equilibrium, he says, "when I was out in the woods, shooting again."
What a spokesman for Main Street Republican values, huh? And we all know about the Big Dick's five Vietnam-era deferments, one of which actually happened to be named Liz Cheney. As Timothy Noah memorably wrote:
Dedicated students of obstetrics will observe that Elizabeth Cheney's birth date falls precisely nine months and two days after the Selective Service publicly revoked its policy of not drafting childless husbands. This would seem to indicate that the Cheneys, though doubtless planning to have children sometime, were seized with an untamable passion the moment Dick Cheney became vulnerable to the Vietnam draft. And acted on it. Carpe diem! Who says government policy can't affect human behavior?
Old sharp-shins in the middle there kind of looks like Simpson, too.
Ann Simpson adds a bit more metaphor:
I can understand fully how Lynne would come to the side of her daughter Liz in this situation. That’s how a mother feels. We are a little different than men who choose to get into this combat zone.
I guess so.
From the thegospelcoalition FAQ on whether Christian Sharia allows women in combat. Seriously.  Ask Ann Simpson whether women in combat can possibly work.

That's right, Ron.
I mean, it's not like Hastert just made that stuff up. He discovered it, like Lincoln discovered logs, or Broder discovered the Second Law of Both Sides Do It (to every activist there's an equal and opposite reactionary). Hastert Rule is like the Designated Hitter, God passed it down from Mount Sinai.

More great memories from Ron Fournier.

Will those wicked Persians stop at nothing? The Prophet Binyamin:
“I will tell the truth in the face of the sweet talk and the blitz of smiles. One must speak facts and one must tell the truth,” Mr. Netanyahu said.
I love that "blitz of smiles" and the picture of President Rouhani being just like Hitler except instead of raining rockets down on London he attacks New York with random acts of friendliness and good manners and acknowledging the Shoah. Truth is a good idea, Mr. Prime Minister. And begins at home. For a highlights sampling of the 35 lies Netanyahu told at the UN just this week, see former UK ambassador to the IAEA Peter Jenkins (via Florida Democrat at Kos).

And for my personal favorite: you've heard of cruise missiles, right? Iran's getting an amble missile with attention deficit disorder:
I make it approximately 0.24 miles per hour using Google calculations of distance. Perfect target for Star Wars defense.

And you won't stay uninsured unless you know how to defend yourself. Image from Wikipedia.

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