Thursday, January 22, 2015

It burns

Update: The Googlebot was just reading this two-year-old piece (January 9 2013), and when I took a look at it I felt like running it again.
HOUSTON, April 23, 2028--

Speaking yesterday in 120-degree heat on the beach where the former port of Galveston can still be seen poking out of the gentle Gulf surf, Rep. Barbara Bush (R-Tex.) laid into President Kirsten Gillebrand and the Democratic Party for what she called decades of neglecting the environment.

"They knew," she said. "They knew what was happening. For 30 years they watched our weather get hotter and stranger every year and they sat and regulated, and regulated, and regulated some more. Did they give the free market a chance to come up with a solution? No, they knew better."
In this presidential year, Republican candidates have rapidly begun to coalesce around the theme of global warming, a process many scientists believe is caused by human activity. "Some call it manmade climate change," proclaimed the front-runner, former New Jersey governor Chris Christie, "but I call it government-made."

While Ms. Bush has largely blamed burdensome government regulation for the climate crisis, Mr. Christie focuses on the tax system. "Let's face it," he remarked, "the stupidity of these jackasses is just incredible. By taking money from those who could be installing solar or wind power on their estates and giving it to people who can barely afford to pay their utility bills, they are just literally burning mountains of coal. And how many times have you seen some punk in the bodega buying charcoal briquets with his mom's food stamps?"
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Inspired by Dr. Turk.

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