Wednesday, August 22, 2018

Literary Corner: Gestating the Turkey

Image by Getty via Mirror.

Sonnet: Eight-Hour Turkey
by Donald J. Trump

I have tremendous respect for China. I mean,
the energy, the genius… it's incredible what
they have done. We can't do it, it's got to be
a two-way street. We have only one-way streets.
You know what bothers me? I have people
coming to me, some people in Congress,
"Sir, can you get this deal done immediately?"
It's got to gestate. The word "gestate". 
Like when you are cooking a chicken. Time… Time…
Turkey for Thanksgiving. My mother would say eight hours.
I said, "Eight hours?" She made the greatest turkey
I ever had. It takes time. It takes time. So when they run
and say, "Can you do Nato right now, can you
sign it next week?" I say, "Wait a minute…"
Even a 30-pound turkey should not spend more than five and a half hours in the oven. At eight hours it will be a desolate inedible monster, a thing a rat or a raccoon wouldn't touch. Even mold won't eat it. Sort of like Jared's peace deal in the Middle East. As to China, I suppose if there were going to be a deal it would have been done by now. I'm not surprised some "people in Congress" have been bothering him about it. Soy farmers all over the country are facing huge losses. The Shanghai steel market is enjoying six-year highs, while American manufacturers who use steel in their products are facing unsustainable price increases. Maine's lobstermen are dying while the Chinese buy from Canada. Trump's deal is "gestating".

The only possible thing left is for Trump to retreat and go back to the status quo ante, to bury the "deal" in the backyard and apologize to all of us for his stupidity. And for the cabinet officers who helped him create this dessicated turd, criminal Wilber Ross and idiot Steven Mnuchin and crazed Peter Navarro, to resign. Oh, and Trump's a criminal too, if you hadn't heard about that, and he should resign too.

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