Farewell Boehner Song (if he ever actually leaves)

To the tune of:

[intro]

Times have changed
since our nation began to roll
as maturity takes its toll
there's a different protocol—
Nowadays
you don't know what you ought to do
if you trust to the protocol
protocol may turn on you

[hit it!]

In Cannon's day a Mister Speaker
was not an attention seeker
but now God knows
anything goes

Our current hero, Speaker Boehner,
might sing Bay Mir Bist Du Sheyn or
take off his clothes
anything goes

I mean if you like hot tears
or sarcastic jeers
nicely sharpened spears
paranoiac fears
you've enjoyed the past six or seven years
say goodbye before he goes!

There's never been a representative
quite so unsure and tentative
on his toes
anything goes

Image via Daily Kos.

When Thomas Reed was still presiding
insurgents would get a hiding
or bloody nose
now anything goes

When members want to get all smarty-
pants, théy call it á Tea Párty
and when you doze
anything goes

And when there's such chicanery
idle flânerie
gross inanity
even Hannity
you just long to get to your tannery
and cellar of Merlots

It's not as if you'd ever get a-
way with a blood-soaked vendetta
against your foes
(not quite) anything goes

Image via Slate.

[one more chorus!]

Where Speaker Rayburn had autocracy
you've only got hypocrisy
and it shows
anything goes

You can't control your restive caucus
it's irrefragably raucous
and otiose
anything goes

Just think of the goals you tend
and the gold you spend
and the rules you bend
and the lives you end
and across the ridge is the dividend
that awaits you at the close

So say farewell to House divided
and follow the much derided
road that you chose
anything goes!

Bonus tracks:

Tony Bennett at 88 or 89, I think, and Gaga. We learned that she had a voice, normally disguised by the fog of contemporary pop production, but I can't get over the fact that she can swing! These recordings are so wonderful.