Literary Corner: Just as Phony as It Can Be

To the tune of:

 

Gee but I'm happy to be back
Back at the Mar-a La... go
Where I have all the stuff I lack
When I'm on the road and fighting the Gesta... po
It's the same dilemma
Everywhere I go
I get charged with libel
When I'm only tryin to sell you a Bible
And I'm slapped with another indictment
When I only want to spark some excitement
Just tryin to keep the customer satisfied
Satisfied

Federal judge complains to me
Why you lyin to the bank... boy
You have lost your dignity
And now you're really lookin like a skank
It's the same dilemma
Everywhere I go
I get found liable
For a thing that people do in the Bible
And the rage increases
When I'm only tryin to get close to Jesus
But I'm trying to keep my customers satisfied
Satisfied

I don't really have a lot to say, except the news that Trump has gone into Bible sales made me think of the lovable Peter Bogdanovich movie with Ryan and Tatum O'Neal and Ryan O'Neal's death a few months ago and all the goodness and humor that seems to have disappeared from the world.

Confidence

Unidentified Nigerian bank. Photo via WEE Tracker.

REQUEST FOR ASSISTANCE-STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL

Dear Mr David Yastreblyansky

I am Dr. Omatayo Barron, the Nigerian cousin of John Barron, who has served as a communications assistant, ghostwriter, and speechwriter for the American billionaire Donald Trump since 1979. Because of the confidential nature of his work, it has never been publicly acknowledged and, in order to avoid inconvenient questions, his compensation has always been paid through a Nigerian subsidiary, Trump Tower Lagos LLC, for direct deposit in the Lagos National Savings and Trust Association, where he has over the years accumulated a small fortune of some $20,000,000, meanwhile in the course of the Trump presidency his existence has necessarily become a closely guarded official secret, the breaching of which is subject to legal sanction under the Espionage Act.

Now Mr Trump's unexpected loss in the 2020 election has placed John in a serious dilemma; as the appointment of his (fictional) identity comes to an abrupt end, so does the identity itself! This has raised almost insuperable difficulties in his ability to access his Nigerian bank account. But curiously enough you, Sir, are in a position to help, because by an almost incredible coincidence the name under which his cheques have been deposited is identical to yours, Mr David Yastreblyansky. All my cousin needs is to process an electronic transfer of the funds in the Lagos bank to your chequing account, and the money is repatriated! In gratitude, he would be prepared to offer you a transfer fee amounting to 25 percent of the total, or approximately $5,000,000.

If agreeable to this simple plan, please transmit to me your Social Security number, bank routing number, and chequing account number. And permit me to say on John Barron's behalf how impressed we both are by your kindness, unparalleled discretion, and sophisticated financial savvy.

Yours most faithfully

Dr Omatayo Barron

Literary Corner: Crisis of Con- Con- Confidence

 

Dorothea Tanning, Eine Kleine Nachtmusik (1943), via Artsy.

Leadership Is All About Confidence

by Donald J. Trump

Well, I mean, you didn’t — you didn’t really
think it was going to be to the point where
it was. All of a sudden, the world was infected.

The entire world was infected. Everyone was
scrambling around, looking where to buy facemasks
and all of the other things. We’ve opened up factories.
We’ve had tremendous success with facemasks
and with shields and with the ventilators.

We’re now supplying the rest of the world.
We have all the ventilators we can use.
And remember this: The ventilators were
very important. Not one person that needed
a ventilator didn’t get it. And these are
very complex, expensive machines to make.

We opened up something like hadn’t been
done since the Second World War. We —
honestly, we’ve done a — an incredible job.
But we don’t want to run around, screaming, shouting,
“Oh, look at this. Look at this.” We have to show
leadership. And leadership is all about confidence.
And confidence is confidence in our country.

The $3-billion project to ramp up the production of ventilators, the breathing machines that keep intubated patients alive, is actually one of the most farcical episodes in the whole history of the Trump response to Covid-19, because it took too long to get going, while the favored treatments for the disease evolved and changed, and doctors stopped doing so many intubations, and by the time General Motors and Ford, General Electric and Philips had finished establishing supply chains, engineering models, and training workers, and were making all the ventilators needed, they weren't in fact needed any more: