Literary Corner: Particular Vernacular

George Rose as Major-General Stanley in the Joseph Papp production of Pirates of Penzance at the Delacorte Theater in Central Park, 1980 (if you watch the video you'll get a glimpse of the stars, Linda Ronstadt and Kevin Kline).

Particular Vernacular (To the tune of "I Am the Very Model")

"He says things that are not true all the time," Karl said.

"I don't believe that," Bannon said. "I think
he speaks in a particular vernacular that connects
to people in this country." (ABC News)

I

Our president has mastered a particular vernacular
By turns appealing, angry, cheery, solemn, and spectacular,
A sort of synthesis comprising every kind of orat'ry
Like some concoction out of a rhetorical laborat'ry.
He calls down angry curses on the evils of society,
And feels the sorrow of our economical anxiety,
And praises his own genes and brains and beauty and tenacity,
But you must never, ever think to question his veracity!

[But we must never, ever think to question his veracity,
No, we must never, ever think to question his veracity,
No, we must never, ever think to question his veraci-racity!]

So if in certain circumstances pleasant or unpleasant, you
Should just occasionally hear him say a thing that isn't true,
Do not deny the substance of his utterance oracular—
It's only Donald doing his particular vernacular.

[We won't deny the substance of his utterance oracular—
It's only Donald doing his particular vernacular!]

II

If Donald's rally failed to be the biggest one in history
And why he still insists it was remains a total mystery,
You could be in the wrong yourself, although it may seem risible,
If you forgot to reckon with the audience invisible!
If Donald thinks that immigrants and all Central Americans
Are gangsters, rapists, murderers, and Escobars and Farrakhans,
Perhaps he's only thinking of his brothelkeep progenitor
Whose grandson now has risen even higher than a Senator!

[His grandson now has risen even higher than a Senator,
His grandson now has risen even higher than a Senator,
His grandson now has risen even higher than a Sena-nenator!]

What difference does it make if his opinions are improbable
As long as Bari Weiss and S.E. Cupp proclaim them mobbable?
Do not deny the substance of his utterance oracular—
It's only Donald doing his particular vernacular.

[We won't deny the substance of his utterance oracular—
It's only Donald doing his particular vernacular!]

III

If Donald thinks that up is down in issues mathematical
Or Kim Jong-un's a moderate and Hillary's a radical,
If Donald thinks he's innocent of all collusionality
It's just because he's out of touch with everyone's reality.
But understand this dilettante is only in his element
Presiding on TV or at a golf club or hotel event;
He's ignorant of other matters foreign and domestical
And wouldn't know the truth if it would punch him in the testicle.

[He wouldn't know the truth if it would punch him in the testicle,
He wouldn't know the truth if it would punch him in the testicle,
He wouldn't know the truth if it would punch him in the testi-pesticle!]

Some day he'd like to settle with another wife who'll rate a ten
But he can never rest until America is great again!
Do not deny the substance of his utterance oracular—
It's only Donald doing his particular vernacular.

[We won't deny the substance of his utterance oracular—
It's only Donald doing his particular vernacular!]