Friday, March 15, 2013

Cheap shots: Cannes for conservatives

CPAC up your troubles in your old kit bag and smile, smile, smile.
Altos? Can we try getting it in tune this time?
Nobody doesn't want a piece of Louie. Especially the ladies:
His first stop is the Tea Party News Network’s booth, where host Scottie Nell Hughes, a big-haired blonde in a hot-pink wrap dress and sky-high leopard-print heels who’s just finished interviewing Newt Gingrich, tells him, “You’re more of a diva than I am!”.... [jump]
It's the scent of power--chicks can't get enough of it.
 Gohmert poses with a woman who tells him she’s from Texas, and he asks, “Where in Texas?” Houston. “Houston? I’ve heard of Houston.” 

He finally makes it down to the Tea Party Patriot radio booth, where Gina Loudon, another blonde in stilettos (she’s sporting a necklace with a pistol on it) wants to chat him up on the air. She mentions that he’s “a big-time celebrity” and he says, “You’re intimidating me!”

“I’m the one that’s intimidated!” she retorts. And she tells him that she talks about him on her show all the time, and that he’s “so much fun” and “so cute.”....

As his staff hustles him out, a woman standing in a line simply yells, “Congressman Gohmert!” and waves. Then she looks to her companion and says, “We have to talk to him.” (Betsy Woodruff for The Corner)
Benjamin Franklin in drag, representing the USPS and its overcompensated minority employees. From the Daily Caller.
Meanwhile, back in totally serious policy land, Marco Rubio laid it down for the multitudes:
The American people “have not changed,” he told the assembled crowd. “What’s changed is the world around us.” A global economy and increased efficiency has taken its toll on American middle class, he said, but the “vast majority” of Americans are sympathetic to conservative values. Instead of being disillusioned with conservatism, he argued, they have become disillusioned with the political process in Washington, D.C.

“They think that one side is fighting for they people who have made it, and all the other side does is fight for government policies to protect the people who are struggling,” he said. “That is both our challenge and our opportunity, to be their voice.”
That crazy political process! It's like the way television makes you look fat. You're out there working your heart out for conservative values of the exact type that Americans really like, like cutting taxes on the shakers and stopping payouts to the fakers, and because of the strange distorting effect of the political process it looks like you're fighting for rich people, which is so like the last thing on your mind.
Is that a teabag on your head or a ripcord for your parachute?

Call it Cannes for conservatives.

“It’s the best,” says filmmaker Stephen Bannon, who is screening four movies during CPAC (“The Hope & The Change,” “Occupy Unmasked,” “District of Corruption,” “Generation Zero”). “I tell every producer, I tell everybody, get your trailers in to CPAC. Get your shorts in there. Get your movies in there. … CPAC is really the gathering of the tribes.”

And that concentration of conservatives means big business for filmmakers not typically embraced by the mainstream movie making business.

“You get a younger, cutting edge audience, but also older people, too, people who can write checks and be supportive,” Bannon said. “I’ve gotten TV deals coming out of there.”
Or maybe Sundance for Suckers?
And sit with Mitt! And bend those knees! Work it, ladies!

CPAC administrators expect college students to make up at least 40% of the event’s more than 10,000 attendants, and young voters (18 to 29 years old) will make up well over half the CPAC population.
Accordingly, CPAC is chock full of breakout sessions along the lines of “Advancing Conservatism On Your Campus,”  ”Back to the Future: How Do We Bring Back Civics Education to Our Schools?,” “Generation Zero,” “Why am I Living in My Parent’s Basement?,” and my personal favorite:
Conservative Dating – Learn everything from how to avoid scaring away your own personal Dagny Taggart in the first five minutes of the conversation, to whether Tea Partiers and Occupiers can share something more than a dislike for bailouts.  Speaker Name: Professional Dating Coach Wayne Elise
Open to Conservative Singles
Hey, I think I know why you're living in your parent's basement. (By the way, do Republicans really have single parents? Or do their parents just usually have separate basements?) It's because Dagny lives there too, amiright? The inflatable one?
Knows something you don't know, but what?

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