Literary Corner: Trump With the Toilets, Toilets

1952 GE dishwasher ad. Via.

Say what you will, while all politicians try to focus on kitchen table issues, Trump is unique in his preoccupation with the bathroom. But he really cares about all your domestic water amenities, and your fundamental right to waste water if you live in a region with adequate rainfall. In this new work from last night's Battle Creek rally, the emotionalism of his previous effort has given way to a childlike lyric quality:

Plumbing Songs

by Donald J. Trump

Song of the Recalcitrant Dish Machine

I

Sinks, uh, showers,
all of this stuff,
I did a lot of it.
No water comes out.

You have areas where there’s so much water
you don’t know what to do with it. 

II

You turn on the shower,
you’re not allowed
to have any water anymore.
I mean, we do a lot of it.

Uh, dishwashers.
You did the dishwasher,
right? You press it.
Remember the dishwasher,

you press it? Boom, there’d be like an explosion,
five minutes later, you open it, the steam pours out, the dishes. 

III

Now you press it 12 times.
Women tell me. Again.
You know, they give you
four drops of water.

And they’re in places where there’s so much water
they don’t know what to do with it. 

Literary Corner: We're looking very strongly at sinks and showers

Ca. 1950, via AllThatsInteresting.

Stung at last, perhaps, at the way he's commonly treated as an ignoramus, Trump came out with a surprising virtuoso display of knowledge and passion on an unexpected subject he knows and cares a great deal about: the effects of federal regulation on hotel bathrooms.

A lot of readers, unfamiliar themselves with the issues or how seriously our emperor takes them, have reacted with confusion and even a certain bemused scorn to the piece, whose coherence escapes them, accusing him of just babbling, or even hallucinating. They're missing something pretty big, in my opinion. Of course it's true that everything he asserts is wrong, as we've come to expect from our poet, but that just contributes to the risky, giddy feel of the work, and as far as coherence goes, there's plenty of that right to the end. Or almost.

The best way to confront it is head on, just reading it for its own sake before you talk about the meaning. Enjoy the sweep and excitement of the way he walks us through it, from the first thing you see—your face in the mirror as you switch on the light—to the potential collapse of the US steel industry. Of the what? No, seriously: